She told him no three times

melissa mcewen
3 min readJan 16, 2018

The Aziz Ansari controversy is tearing liberals apart

I’ve watched with a mixture of horror and fascination over the past few days as my facebook feed has been taken over by a bitter war between people who normally agree. These are largely secular liberal people in blue states. But some of them are angry at Aziz Ansari and some are angry at his accuser.

I have a different perspective. I come from a different place. I was homeschooled and had Christian abstinence only sex ed. When I faced the modern world as an adult, I was totally unprepared. And men did take advantage of me. It is a story I see repeated over and over again in “ex fundamentalist” groups I’m part of. It is a story common among people from other non-Christian ex religious fundamentalist groups as well.

When I hear she just should have said no or gotten into a cab, I hear “people like you, who are naive and sheltered, deserve it.”

And our society will continue to churn out women like me for a very long time. Whether its in churches or in mothers who tell their daughters that pleasing men is the…