I posted some online dating data I had on Reddit (I know lol) and someone pointed out that the lack of replies to my messages must mean I’m hideous. Now I’m not sure about that. I am sure that in the past I was utterly deluged by messages (as almost all women are). I am also sure I was being more aggressive about wanting a relationship. I didn’t collect data on this, but in many cases I was explicitly saying that’s what I was here for in messages. I also had it on my profile. It basically flagged me as “scary” for men. And I confess it was really hard writing those words “So I’m on Tinder looking for a relationship, is that what you’re looking for too?” Each time I wrote them it felt like a taboo. And I found even men who wanted a relationship viewed it as too forward.

It says everything that we feel as a culture seem to feel perfectly comfortable having sex on a first date but asking if you’re interested in a relationship is too much.